til sunbeams find you
by Fade131
Summary: His dreams are haunted by the past, looking forward to an uncertain future.  Originally posted 8.28.2010


_Stars shining bright above you,_

_Night breezes seem to whisper, 'I love you,'_

_Birds singing in the sycamore tree…_

"There's a call for you on an outside line from Lieutenant Colonel Hughes," said the woman on the other end of the line. Roy sighed and set down his pen. What could Maes possibly want now? They'd talked just this morning, and he'd had nothing new to say, only more pestering about getting married before coming to Central. "Put him through."

There was a familiar set of clicks as she switched the connection, and Roy propped his chin on his hand, waiting impatiently for Hughes to speak. When he finally did, the sound was strange – crackling and far away, like an old recording. "What are you doing, Colonel?"

"I'm working, Hughes, you know that. I've told you not to call me at work."

"No, what are you _doing_?"

The Flame Alchemist leaned back in his chair, eyes straying around his office. It was empty now, his few belongings packed away for the trip to Central. There was a single chair left, across from his desk. The door was shut. "I'm going to become the Fuhrer, Maes. I'll transform how this whole country runs… It's the only way I can justify taking my last breath."

Laughter filtered down the line, loud and cracking and too happy. Roy frowned at the picture on his desk, of the two of them in their Academy days, his arm thrown casually over Maes' shoulder. "To do that, you're gonna need someone who understands you and the system, and supports you from the inside. I'll work under you, stay close to the higher-ups, and help push you to the top."

"How are you going to do that now, when you have a higher rank than me? You fool." There was another picture next to the first, now, of him and Lieutenant Hawkeye standing at Hughes' grave, while rain came down in sheets around them. The voice on the phone was softer now, farther away than ever.

"Ah, that's right, isn't it…? I left you all behind…"

Roy closed his eyes against the rain that was pelting him, closed his eyes against his office where the water ran in rivulets down the walls, slipped through the seams of the picture frames on his desk and made the pictures wrinkle, made the colours run together. The next voice that spoke wasn't from the telephone, but from the seat across from him.

"We're not devils or gods. We're humans. We can't even save one little girl." Roy opened his eyes but there was only white. The speaker said nothing more. Hughes laughed quietly in his ear.

"You couldn't even save me. How do you expect to save this whole country?"

"I have to. It's not about being a devil or a god. I only need to be human." He sucked in a breath and closed his eyes again. When he opened them, Edward was sitting in the chair before him. Alphonse was a shadow behind his brother's chair, sometimes a hulking metal soldier, sometimes a tall, scrawny boy. It looked like a throne with Fullmetal sprawled in it like that, his automail legged propped on his knee, real arm draped over the back. There was a sickening moment when the automail vanished, leaving only the bloody stumps, but it passed quickly. Ed was watching him with a patient expression, occasionally looking pointedly at the receiver in Roy's hand.

"It's an important call, Fullmetal. You'll have to wait," he said with more conviction than he was currently feeling.

Hughes sighed. "No need to keep him waiting for me. I'll call again."

"No, you won't," Roy answered, but a long-fingered hand had stretched out of nowhere and plucked the receiver from his grip, placing it delicately back in its cradle. He hadn't heard the door to the phone booth creak open. Those fingers caught under his chin and pulled until he looked into the Homunculus' eyes. Lust smiled.

"I look forward… to seeing those eyes become clouded from suffering," she murmured, too close to his lips. Roy jerked back and almost fell over Havoc, bleeding in a heap on the floor. He regained his footing only to fall back against the wall when Lust's nails pierced his side. She turned away from him as he sank to the floor, stalking out into the hall. Roy struggled to follow her.

The hall was bigger than he expected, and the bulky suit of armor that was also an emaciated boy was cradling Riza in his arms, as blood poured from the slash across her throat. He took a step forward and Maes was slumped in the phone booth, a hand pressed to the bullet wound, the other clutching a bloody photo. Gracia stood over him, gun still smoking. She turned to Roy and smiled, pretty features melting into something more sinister, and Envy dropped the gun at Maes' feet and started to walk away.

"You can't just walk away from this," Roy called after it.

Flashing purple eyes turned back to him, and the Flame Alchemist snapped. They boiled right there in Envy's face, but the Homunculus only stood there, staring at him with empty sockets. "Pathetic," it whispered.

Roy shuddered as Lust leaned in to whisper near his ear once more. "This is your fault, not his. He's just a tool, just the finger that pulled the trigger. If it hadn't been for you, he wouldn't have been needed."

Mustang shook his head, stepping back from them both. "You're wrong. That thing killed Hughes. Not me."

"No, but you didn't save him," Edward said, uncrossing his legs and leaning forward, elbows propped on his knees. "You should have saved him. You should have saved all of us."

His office opened onto the battlefield, and Roy watched with a slight frown as a group of Ishvalans fled an explosion, fire burning hot on their trail.

The shape that was Alphonse chose to be a suit of armor for a moment, and Ed's limbs were gone again, blood dripping onto the carpet. "You shouldn't let another person you care about be killed – not if there's anything you can do to protect them," Al said, his childish voice echoing familiarly.

"I do everything I can to protect my subordinates," he answered quietly. The breeze picked up, displacing several golden strands from the loose braid Fullmetal kept them in. "I do everything I can to protect you."

Edward tilted his head back against Roy's shoulder, looking up at him through long lashes. "But you can't protect me. There are things I have to do. Places I have to go, where you can't follow. You're going to be Fuhrer, remember?"

Mustang sighed and leaned back against the tree, his arm tightening fractionally around the boy's waist. "I know. And I know… you still have to get your bodies back. But that doesn't mean I can't protect you as much as I'm able."

Fullmetal laughed and shifted in his arms, and two warm human hands framed his face, Ed's forehead resting against his own. "You'll try, Roy. But you can't. I have to go. And you have to keep going without me.

"…I'll move on. To make sure you have someone to catch up with," he said quietly, and Ed smiled as a trickle of blood ran from the corner of his mouth. Golden eyes were sunken and glassy, the spark of recognition guttering out. His automail arm hung limp at his side, pieces missing and scattered around them. His real hand slid from Roy's cheek, leaving bloody streaks behind. An explosion rocked the building, and Roy could hear Kimblee laughing uproariously in the distance.

The Flame Alchemist stood, slowly, his footing uneven. He pressed a hand to the wound at his side, seared shut at last, even as his eyesight flickered in and out. He had to get to the door. He had to get out of this room. Hawkeye was talking outside, telling him to aim more to the left. For a moment he could see his target, the shape melding easily from Lust to Envy and back again until he couldn't remember if they'd ever been two people, or had always been one. Roy snapped his fingers, wincing as the movement pulled at the fresh-cut alchemy circle on the back of his hand. The flash of fire took his eyesight with it.

He stepped forward, following the smell of charring flesh, snapped his fingers again. There was a howl of pain this time. He felt Lust's nails brush his cheek. "When we met before, you said, "it will take more than that" to kill you. In that case… I'll keep killing you until you stay dead."

Envy cackled at his declaration, but he snapped again, and again, and again, until Lust whimpered, and he could see her dissolving before his eyes. The Philosopher's Stone fell to the ground slowly, even as Fullmetal reached for it, his fingers just barely too far away. It hit the floor and shattered, pieces skittering in every direction like broken glass. Ed let out a noise like a sob, and as he grasped for the fallen pieces, he started to dissolve too, like so much ash in the wind—

Roy woke with a start, panting and wide-eyed. Edward shifted next to him, curling in against his side, his heavy automail arm draped over Mustang's stomach. The first strains of sunrise were sifting through the curtains, casting delicate rays over the sleeping boy's features, making his hair shimmer like spun gold. With a shaky sigh, the Flame Alchemist buried his face in that soft hair, and for the first time in a long while, he allowed himself to cry.

_Sweet dreams 'til sunbeams find you,_

_Sweet dreams that leave all worries far behind you._

_But in your dreams, whatever they be,_

_Dream a little dream of me…_


End file.
